What do you do when you are put into a situation that you do not like? I flee, I run like the wind and pretend that it is not happening, deny,deny,deny. The problem is I can't do that this time because if I do will miss the last of something special, something important. That something is my friend, Debra, you see she is moving soon and my heart is breaking. I have no words to say to her because the selfish side doesn't want to be excited for her and the concerned side doesn't want to fall apart and give her one more thing to deal with, so I am silent and pretend life is the same.
But, Friday night I was forced to view my new reality without her. I went to a ladies night at our church and she was not there, this is just the first of many places and times she will not physically be there. It hit me, it hit me hard. When the movie was over I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I said no good byes. I just left, quickly. My heart was aching to hold my friend, to share life with her. As I watched the movie Esther that night there was not one person there who knew that Esther is my favorite book of the Bible and that I have read it more times than I can count, but she.... she knows, she would want to know if the movie was good to me, because she knew it was going to be hard for me to like, because she knows me. She knows me like I have never let any friend know me before. She understands the ugly in my heart and helps me to give it to God over and over, she understands when I feel something that is not normal for me. She has forgiven me for hurting her more than once and she has even trusted me enough to have a BIG old ugly fight (words not fist). She has been there to celebrate both of my girls giving their lives to God and a been a planter of the seeds that brought them there. She has held my hand in the hard times, hugged my neck in the harder times and sung silly songs to bring a smile to my face in the good times.
Needless to say, the car ride home Friday night was not an easy one. I tried to call her, but had to leave a message. I could barely even make words come out of my mouth, the breath had been sucked out of me.
The next morning, I stopped being selfish and realized she has so much more to go through than me, and I need to fall on my knees and pray for her and her family. Then, I need to get up and go enjoy every last second I have with her, even if I can find no words to say..... she will have enough for both of us.
Debra, I Love You, Thank You For Loving Me. You have been, are, and will continue to be all that I can ask for in a friend.
So, what are you doing today, and tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that....
I Love You,