Monday, April 19, 2010


    What do you do when you are put into a situation that you do not like?  I flee, I run like the wind and pretend that it is not happening, deny,deny,deny.  The problem is I can't do that this time because if I do will miss the last of something special, something important.  That something is my friend, Debra, you see she is moving soon and my heart is breaking.  I have no words to say to her because the selfish side doesn't want to be excited for her and the concerned side doesn't want to fall apart and give her one more thing to deal with, so I am silent and pretend life is the same.

   But, Friday night I was forced to view my new reality without her.  I went to a ladies night at our church and she was not there, this is just the first of many places and times she will not physically be there.  It hit me, it hit me hard.  When the movie was over I couldn't get out of there fast enough.  I said no good byes.  I just left, quickly.  My heart was aching to hold my friend, to share life with her.  As I watched the movie Esther that night there was not one person there who knew that Esther is my favorite book of the Bible and that I have read it more times than I can count, but she.... she knows,  she would want to know if the movie was good to me, because she knew it was going to be hard for me to like, because she knows me.  She knows me like I have never let any friend know me before.  She understands the ugly in my heart and helps me to give it to God over and over, she understands when I feel something that is not normal for me.  She has forgiven me for hurting her more than once and she has even trusted me enough to have a BIG old ugly fight (words not fist).  She has been there to celebrate both of my girls giving their lives to God and a been a planter of the seeds that brought them there.  She has held my hand in the hard times, hugged my neck in the harder times and sung silly songs to bring a smile to my face in the good times.

   Needless to say, the car ride home Friday night was not an easy one.  I tried to call her, but had to leave a message.  I could barely even make words come out of my mouth, the breath had been sucked out of me.

   The next morning, I stopped being selfish and realized she has so much more to go through than me, and I need to fall on my knees and pray for her and her family.  Then, I need to get up and go enjoy every last second I have with her, even if I can find no words to say..... she will have enough for both of us.

   Debra, I Love You, Thank You For Loving Me.  You have been, are, and will continue to be all that I can ask for in a friend.

              So, what are you doing today, and tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that....

                                                                          I Love You,


Jennifer Juniper said...

Aw, cha cha! I feel for you - a true friend is truly a treasure. So sorry yours is moving away :(

Jemsmom said...

Now you really have me crying. I moved to Charleston last June and left the person that is my absolute, complete, 100% dearest best friend in the whole world. She is my soul sister and after moving to Michigan, she was my life line. She lived across the street and I adore her. She said it best when she said we were twins separated at birth.

Telling her that I was moving was the hardest thing. She got very angry at first. Times are bad in Michigan right now and she couldn't understand why we would give up two jobs to move somewhere and lose money on our house. She was MAD and yelled at me! I was heartbroken and truly kind of felt that way also. She made a lot of sense, but I knew we needed to do this for my family. She accepted it, but still to this day isn't happy!!

Sometimes I miss her so much that I ache. We talk on the phone often and we will always be there for each other. It isn't the same though. I don't have anyone to go watch The Bachelor with in my pajamas. I miss my late-at-night-Taco Bell-run buddy. I miss so many things, but I know that she will always be there for me and I will always be there for her.

It does get easier. Kind of...

I'm not busy. What do you want to do? Shop a little? Have a nice lunch?


rachel... said...

I'm so sorry that she's moving - I hope you two will stay in touch. I also hope she reads this and know how lucky you both are to have eachother.

Margaret said...

Oh Cha, Cha I feel the same way. I hate to think about her leaving because it brings tears to my eyes. She has watched me grow up and helped to make me into the person I am today. She really holds a special place in my heart. I guess our only solution to this is that we may need to take a trip out to California to visit!!!!

Nancy said...

Oh, cha cha! I'm so sorry you're sad that your friend moved. I'm sure you two will always be close. It's hard, I know. And I wish I had some comforting words for you. Hang in there!


Megan said...

I know how you feel. My sister and best friend moved away last summer and it was so hard. I too tried to be strong and not show how much I was hurting for her sake, she had so much going on at the time. But inside, it hurt so bad. It still does. But there are some relationships that distance just can't come between. You will find ways to stay connected. My sister and I ichat and talk everyday. I actually see her more now, more week long visits and time together that we never had living in the same city, each with our own busy lives. But my heart goes out to you. She sounds like a most wonderful friend.

Susie from Bienvenue said...

Awww Cha Cha...bless your heart!
You know the Lord places people in our lives for a certain reason and a season. I'm sure he will carry you through this hard time and know that I'm praying for you. What a blessing to have a friend so dear...((hugs)) Susie

Emily Dawn said...

Thank You for writing posts like this. These are always the posts that I'm hesitant to write out of fear. I recently went through something similar to what your struggling with. The four years of my undergraduate degree were the best years of my life I thought. I had built friendships with two amazing women that I shared my house with. They weren't just roommates, they were sisters. Well one of them really was my sister and the other might have well been. Then I graduated and we all got married and moved to different parts of the state. I was so lost in a new place, with a new marriage, and a new school in a town where I didn't even know where the wal-mart was. It plunged me pretty deep into a nasty depression and made me feel so lonely. But soon a I made a friend from class and then an old friend from my undergraduate degree moved up and we became close friends. It still isn't the same as it was before, but it's a good different. The thing I struggle with the most now is making what I have now into what it use to be. God will provide someone else. It will just take you to become better friends with him first.
Enjoy the last moments you have in the same town, friendship can die or with technology the way it is, it can change into a skype friendship! - Emily

AM from White House, Black Shutters said...

Oh, Cha-Cha, I am so sorry to hear about your friend moving away! *HUGS*

I do have good news for you, lucky lady, check your email! :)

this blessed nest said...

with tears i am writing this!

you know, i know how you feel. when my leah moved away~ i swear still to this day a little of my spark moved with her.
there is nothing like a true friend that knows it all. and has seen the good, bad, & ugly.

cha cha your words go straight to my heart. i really do feel for you my sweet friend!

if only we could plan a trip out to california together!
do soak her up, like you plan to. you will never regret your time together, and those sweet girls of yours will learn such tender things about true friendship!

love to you cha cha!

and to your friend, many blessings to her & her big move.

Ellen Grant said...

Kindred spirits don't come along very often. But when they do, they are to be treasured!! You are blessed to have experienced this!
(Hope to see you this weekend)

Sarah said...

Cha Cha,
Thank you so much for such a beautifully written post. When I read it I wept because I know the heartbreak of a friend moving.

I know the loneliness of walking into a room full of people and wishing like crazy you had their hand to hold. I know how special your friendship is.

Thank you for leaving a comment on my blog, I should have typed through the tears to leave one on yours the morning I came over to visit and found out someone in this world was hurting just like I was, and put it into words exactly what I was feeling.

I am thinking of you and your precious friend. God will provide a new relationship for the two of you, one that has even more strength dispite the distance.

Pearls and Grace said...

Dear Cha Cha,

It is an amazing gift to be able to allow others to actually feel what you feel through the written word. You overflow with that gifting and what a blessing to read your heart in black and white today.

I am so sorry for what seems to be like a loss at this difficult time. But the One whom we love so much has such a special way of connecting and reconnecting us with one another~ no matter the distance. God is not moved by time and space. I am praying that through this move your friendship will reach a new level. I know with God at the center of it ~ it cannot fail~ no matter where you live. That's just geography. The beautiful friendship you share is pure enough to survive it.

p.s. I am not surprised that Esther is your favorite book.....

p.s.s. I did a happy dance when I saw that you bought a ticket. :) Thank you sweet friend. I am honored to have you there that night.

Love and Light,



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