anybody still out there?
Sorry I haven’t been here in awhile. I have had a few things I needed to work out in my heart and head. Have you ever been there? I started the 31 days series fully confident that I could write for all 31 days, I even have most of the post written (in my head, ha!) and the other days I know what I was going to write about just not the approach I was going to take. I am sure most - if not all - of it will end up here in time. I still believe in what I had to say.
For today though I am going to try and give you a glimpse of what I have been struggling with.
So here it goes….
Pride and Jealousy
Two ugly words that can do a number on a girls heart and head.
Have you been there?
My story starts from a struggle of insecurity, this has been a life long struggle for me and one I have to give to God over and over again to be free. The past 8 months or so I have mostly struggled with insecurity over my online shop ( I am purposefully not including a link here, this post is not about getting a sell). It is very hard to move forward with an idea that you believe God planted in your heart/mind and it not be successful, monetarily speaking. I have prayed about it over the months, moved the shop to where I thought it would do better, paid for advertising, given away countless amounts of product, and even participated in craft fairs. All for nothing or what seemed like nothing to me. So I had become frustrated and defeated. This story would be bad enough if it ended there but unfortunately it did not! I let it get uglier, I played the comparison game – yuck I know. I would look at other peoples products and put theirs down so I could feel better about myself (pride is NOT pretty) and I would be jealous of their success.
I felt hurt and forgotten by God.
Stick with me here, I know at this point I am not very likable. I am not sharing all of this so you will not like me or for you to feel sorry for me. I am sharing it because if there is anyone else out there struggling with this and they can find their way back to God and hope because of my honesty…. then it is worth it to me to show my less that perfect self.
First you should know I have spent much time in Bible study over the years and have overcome many areas of insecurity (so I know God to be faithful in this area) but there are times when it has snuck back in. This is one of those times, once I realized what it was I did the only thing I know to do.
I turned to God, I prayed for forgiveness for my pride and jealousy and confessed all the ugly thoughts and words I had about others. Then I spent time in the Bible studying
Who I Am In Christ Jesus
and that His plan and timing are perfect.
Today, I write this from a new place. I am happy for others success and I know that God has a plan for me and that I just need to lean in close to Him and He will take care of the rest. I am excited for whatever He has for me and no longer wishing for what others have. That is their story NOT mine.
Now you know the good the bad and the ugly!
If I didn’t scare you off and you want to talk about it more leave me a comment or send me an email
I would love to hear from you.