Most days I will answer that with a big NO! But there are rare days and if not days moments when I feel beautiful. So what is different about those moments? This is a question that has been rolling around in my head and heart lately and I have been turning the question to God. Why do I not feel beautiful?
The other day while on my tenth outfit I prayed that God would help me find something that I didn't hate. Within the next few tries I found something that was okay. Much of that days problems had to do with the fact that I have put on weight and nothing in my closet fits. I know weight is an obstacle to overcome on my way to feeling beautiful but I know it is NOT why I don't feel beautiful. I haven't ever felt different at any size. So this brings me back to what is different in those moments when I do feel beautiful. After much prayer and evaluation of people who seem to always feel beautiful I have come to the conclusion beauty is tangled up in our self worth. Most days I do not feel worthy to be beautiful - I am just a staying home, just cleaning house, just teaching my kids. I do not make myself worth the effort and my self worth goes down daily. The flip side is after year of hiding behind beauty products and clothing, pretending I felt worthy when really I was a broken mess, I now feel guilt when I dress up. Like I am being fake (lies from Satan, I know). Again my worth goes down.
So what is a girl to do in this crazy world to feel beautiful?
I wish I knew!
I wish I had the answer!
All I know is that I am bringing this to God and I am ready for the journey. I am not walking away from this until I am confident in my godly worth and beauty! I have complete faith that God will forgive and restore! I know I will be changed after this and there will be an abundant overflow that will come out of me naturally and spill over into others lives. I am excited.
21 Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of[a] your evil behavior. 22 But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation Colossians 1:21&22
This post is in response to my friend Jamie's post. I am taking a leap out of my comfort zone and being one of her models for her project. She asked me just days after I started praying about all of this. It is so cool how God works. I am praying and trusting that I will see myself as beautiful in these pictures and not want to hit delete like I do on every other picture I see of myself. I am praying for Jamie and each of her models that the images will show how God sees each of these women. I will let you know the results and what God calls me to do next.
Does anyone else struggle with this?
Please tell me I am not alone.