Back in February I shared my 39 Celebrations for my 39th Year and number 22 on the list was to makeover some furniture in our Master Bedroom. First up was a desk that I have been waiting to paint for some time. I can NOT find the before shot, grrrrr. It was stained dark and it was pretty but it was in bad condition, so it was going to have to be stripped and refinished or painted. For this room I was happy to paint it. I painted it the same color the trim in this room will some day soon be, fingers crossed. It is the perfect dressing table. I fix my hair, put on makeup and jewelry all while sitting and looking out the window into the woods.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Most days I will answer that with a big NO! But there are rare days and if not days moments when I feel beautiful. So what is different about those moments? This is a question that has been rolling around in my head and heart lately and I have been turning the question to God. Why do I not feel beautiful?
The other day while on my tenth outfit I prayed that God would help me find something that I didn't hate. Within the next few tries I found something that was okay. Much of that days problems had to do with the fact that I have put on weight and nothing in my closet fits. I know weight is an obstacle to overcome on my way to feeling beautiful but I know it is NOT why I don't feel beautiful. I haven't ever felt different at any size. So this brings me back to what is different in those moments when I do feel beautiful. After much prayer and evaluation of people who seem to always feel beautiful I have come to the conclusion beauty is tangled up in our self worth. Most days I do not feel worthy to be beautiful - I am just a staying home, just cleaning house, just teaching my kids. I do not make myself worth the effort and my self worth goes down daily. The flip side is after year of hiding behind beauty products and clothing, pretending I felt worthy when really I was a broken mess, I now feel guilt when I dress up. Like I am being fake (lies from Satan, I know). Again my worth goes down.
So what is a girl to do in this crazy world to feel beautiful?
I wish I knew!
I wish I had the answer!
All I know is that I am bringing this to God and I am ready for the journey. I am not walking away from this until I am confident in my godly worth and beauty! I have complete faith that God will forgive and restore! I know I will be changed after this and there will be an abundant overflow that will come out of me naturally and spill over into others lives. I am excited.
21 Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of[a] your evil behavior. 22 But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation Colossians 1:21&22
This post is in response to my friend Jamie's post. I am taking a leap out of my comfort zone and being one of her models for her project. She asked me just days after I started praying about all of this. It is so cool how God works. I am praying and trusting that I will see myself as beautiful in these pictures and not want to hit delete like I do on every other picture I see of myself. I am praying for Jamie and each of her models that the images will show how God sees each of these women. I will let you know the results and what God calls me to do next.
Does anyone else struggle with this?
Please tell me I am not alone.